A Child's Stress

So I've underestimated how tiring it is to live in a foreign country with a child, work, ride a bike,  especially during winter. Therefore I have many posts I've wanted to write, but have not gotten around to doing so. I'm going to start posting a back-log of blog posts starting now. This post was originally written in October...

I'm excited to hear from C's hoikuen that he's already started saying a few words in Japanese. Mostly, asking if he can have more food, water, if he can use the toilet, and will you play with me. I'm so happy that he is picking up words quickly, and though he was shy at first about using Japanese, now he seems to understand that if he wants something he needs to ask for it in Japanese, so he's picked up those phrases quickly. I'm also surprised at how quickly he's adapted to eating the Japanese lunch provided by the daycare. He loves miso soup! and with his chopsticks (still learning to use them) he couldn't wait to show me how he can eat rice...

However, there are days when C says he hates it here and he wants to go back to the US. I think I underestimated just how difficult an adjustment it would be for him. Everyone says how adaptable kids are, and it's true, but there is no way of knowing exactly how each child will react to the stress of a completely new environment. C has been screaming like he did when he was 2, sometimes he just gets so frustrated and he can't find the words he wants so he just yells. Last night was just one of those nights, we stayed up a bit later (my first mistake) to have a pizza and movie and snuggle-up on the sofa...but as soon as the movie was over he melted down when I told him it was time to brush his teeth. It was completely out of the blue, but ended up with him screaming, him saying I hated him and him sobbing so hard he was gulping air. Poor kiddo....after he calmed down, I rocked him and asked him more about school, and that's when he told me he got a time out for wrestling with another kid. Normally that wouldn't phase him, but with everything else, it just made him completely upset and he didn't know how to express it. He never did brush his teeth (oops), but fell asleep shortly after I rocked him. I don't want to make anyone scared to bring their child overseas, but just wanted to prepare you for the difficulties you and your child may face.

That being said - today was a great day! C told me how excited he was for Undokai (sports day) this saturday, and how much he's been practicing. He said they've been making posters and signs and stuff, and showed me part of the flag dance. Today was a good day and he's excited to go to school tomorrow...just goes to show you, though kids are adaptable, they get stressed and don't know how to handle it. I suspect we'll have good and bad days for awhile longer.

Finally settled in!

We made it. We finally got everything worked out. It was quite the roller-coaster ride to get here, but despite all of the hurdles we made it. I can't express my gratitude enough for the Facebook groups who helped me through it all. I know we wouldn't be here in Japan without their guidance and support.

Getting moved out, packed up and then flying halfway around the world, setting up a new home and getting over jet-lag have all taken their toll. Not to mention I had to re-adjust to living in Japan and getting my son used to going to Japanese Hoikuen (pre-school/daycare). We still have our good days and our bad days. Somedays we can't wait to get out and explore, somedays we are so tired we just can't wait to get home and eat some cereal and go to bed. It takes a long time to completely settle in, longer so because I have a child to help through the culture shock. We have both been a bit ornery and crabby until now. But I think with the fall weather starting to come around, a nice cool breeze and some time to adjust, we're starting to feel completely settled.

The things I was so worried about: hoikuen, commute and the cat have all worked themselves out.

The hoikuen has turned out to be amazing, C's teacher even speaks a little English, and between her English and my Japanese we manage to communicate just fine. C has made a friend at school, who is also half Japanese. C says he speaks English, but I have yet to hear him or his mother speaking English, I believe they speak Portuguese...but I'm glad C has a friend.

The commute isn't so bad. The school I visit on mondays (40 min bus ride, 20 min walk), turns out that I don't go to that school very often, especially in September, as there are 3 holidays on mondays in Sept. and therefore, no school. Even so, the commute isn't so bad. I drop C off at daycare at 7:30 (right when they open) and I pick him up at 5:45, which is honestly pretty on par with the hours he was at daycare in the US. The other two schools are no problem at all, but I am getting my exercise! I never did buy a car, so I've been biking at least 1 hour each day, two days a week, it's 2 hours - bonus, I've dropped 4 sizes in two months! none of my clothes fit anymore, time to go shopping!

The cat - I've emailed back and forth with the family that is keeping her and she's settled in just fine. The other cat and her are friends now, and we'll be back in 2.5 months to get her. I do miss her, but honestly I don't know how I would have done it if we would have brought her with us at the start. There was plenty to deal with, I'm glad we were able to leave her for a few months and then pick her up after Christmas.

Everything is working out...  ;)

We've also started exploring our town a bit more. Every weekend we take a little bike ride to find a new store and area to explore. Usually I have a destination in mind, but sometimes we just ride and see where it gets us. I definitely want to stay longer than a year, things just take more time when you are a family JET. One year just won't be enough for us to explore and do everything we want to do. We bought a tent and a sleeping bag and we've already been camping once, with many more camping trips to plan in the future!

Don't Give Up!!!

Sorry for the length of time between posts - it's been quite the whirlwind of a month. Has it really only been a month, it feels like three. Finally heard from my BOE, we will be going to Kurashiki City in Okayama Prefecture. I am so excited. However, we have been running hurtles trying to sort out details. There are several JET couples in Okayama, however I am the first JET with a child the prefecture has welcomed, so it's been a learning experience for everyone. The following is only meant to communicate the difficulties I faced and the amount of stress one can possibly expect (of course ESID) to face. Please understand that the BOE, the JET program of Okayama, and the community have bent over backwards to help me solve all of these difficulties. The circumstances were difficult, but all of us worked together to solve them, and for that I am most truly thankful to everyone!

Finding a long term boarding facility for the cat:
I have called about 30 different vets and boarding facilities and either they won't board a cat for that long or I got quotes from $500-1000 per month. I can't afford that - and they all want the entire 5 months payments upfront. I literally sat in my car during lunch for 3 days sobbing on the phone with places asking if they knew anyone, anyone at all who would consider taking a cat in for 5 months. None of my family or friends are able to take her, many wished they could, but cannot for various reasons. I have 5 weeks to find somewhere, otherwise we may not be able to go to Japan.

Hoikuen:
I first got an email from the prefecture saying that they are looking forward to welcoming me and my son to Okayama prefecture, however daycare in Japan is in high demand and they are unable to find a spot for my son. period. They are all full. I translate this as: We cannot go to Japan.
So I took to Facebook and posted a plea to have anyone help me that was already in Okayama. Can I just say that the ex-pat community in Okayama is awesome! I had no less than 4 people helping me find daycare, answering questions, calling the childcare division at city hall and calming me down as I'm panicking because I'm thinking we aren't able to go after all that hard work. A good friend found my son a spot in a daycare and the BOE got him enrolled! One hurtle down. We're going to Japan in 4 weeks!

Travel:
I then find out that the daycare is 30 minutes away by bike. Unfortunately my schools are 15 minutes from the apartment in the complete opposite direction. Making my commute time an hour and 15 minutes by bike to my two main schools. I'm either going to be really fit and strong or need to buy a car (which I was hoping to avoid). Plus one of my visiting schools is a 40 minute bus ride plus a 20 minute uphill walk. So every Monday I would have to drop C off at daycare at 6 am. The daycare doesn't open until 6:30. I translate this as: We cannot go to Japan.
My BOE understood this dilemma and has adjusted my start time at that school so I can drop C off at a more reasonable hour. Perhaps not ideal, but I can work with it. We're going to Japan!

Cat:
I tried to ask in the politest way if it would be possible to bring the cat. I knew from talking with my predecessor that a previous tenant had a dog, so I thought it was reasonable to assume pets were okay. I got an email back saying pets are not allowed. I translate this as: We cannot go to Japan.
So I google Okayama pet apartments, and using google translate manage to find 2 apartments that allow pets, one very near where the current apartment is, and one nearer to the daycare. So I email the links to the BOE to see if I am allowed to move apartments. I then get a email back saying that pets are actually okay in the current apartment, so no need to move. (with a nice apology). We are going to Japan! I just need to find somewhere for the cat to stay for 5 months until we can return at christmas to get her.

Lucky Break!
I didn't just find one place for the cat, I found 2! A very nice family has offered to keep her for 5 months, and I found a pet sitter that was willing to board her for a very reasonable fee. I haven't completely decided who she will stay with, but we have had a home visit with both, and Elouise gets along very well with the other animals at both homes.  Two more weeks and we're going to Japan!

So, yes, it has been very stressful. I think I lost about 5 lbs in a week because I couldn't eat or sleep. However, I didn't give up - and it has paid off! I even went on an interview for a new job here in Dallas thinking that we weren't going. But here we are! My utmost gratitude to the people who have helped me overcome all of these hurtles and answered question and helped to calm me down. I don't know that I could have done all of it without their help. I can't wait to meet these people and thank them in person.

Placement

Finally after weeks of stressing and waiting, we have our placement. Okayama-ken! Okayama was my first choice. It's a larger city than Takamatsu (where I lived in 2006), but still very close so I can visit my friends in Takamatsu.

Okayama is on the southern end of Honshu, Japan's main island. It is approx. halfway between Hiroshima and Kobe, and relatively close to Tottori. I have always wanted to take C to Tottori to see the sand dunes and the ocean. I don't know exactly where in Okayama we will be living yet, but I am encouraged to find many JET families go to Okayama. I am even more excited now that I know there will be other families and we are able to research all the fun things to do and see in Okayama.

I have already started packing, getting the house ready for rent, and switching over my address to my parents house.  I also purchased my son's and mothers plane tickets. They are flying over a week after I will get to Okayama, which gives me a chance to get used to the neighborhood, apply for my gaijin card, open a bank account, get a cell phone, and find a grocery store. Plus unpack and start making it feel like home. And while I've never been apart from my son for more than one night, I think this week apart is the best timing, though I will miss him terribly. Plus my mom will stay with us for 2 weeks so that C can adapt to the time zone change and get settled into school a bit before she leaves.

We are still waiting to hear from our BOE (Board of Education) exactly where in Okayama-ken we will be living, but knowing the city is a huge relief. Now I can shift my attention to finishing up all the details on my birthday party/going away party. It is an Alice in Wonderland Tea Party. My un-30th birthday if you will (I am turning 31) ;). Very exciting! Should be a blast, I can't wait to post photos. Party planning is one of my favorite things to do. Busy, busy....