Things I wish I'd known before coming to Japan....

I've been terrible about  keeping up with this blog - I'm sorry. I had so many grand plans of blogging, doing my design work, homeschooling my son, and traveling (on top of teaching) - I just haven't had time to all of it. However, I can at least share some insight I've learned in my first year here. 

Things to know in the first few months: (aka things I wish I’d known)
-- and of course ESID, so these things apply to my situation, but may not apply to yours --

If you are a single parent from the USA - you must 'prove' your single status by submitting a notarized document from the US embassy saying you are single and the sole supporter of your child. Typically a Japanese person would use their family registry, however since we don't have a family registry (to the astonishment of my city hall) you must get this form to prove your single status. I tried to use a tax return, but they wouldn't accept it. It cost $50 (in 2013) *check the embassy website for costs now...plus my train to get there and back. So I recommend that you go during Tokyo orientation if you can and save yourself the day of Nenkyuu and the costs of getting to either Osaka or Tokyo. You must make an appointment with the embassy, bring your passport and confirmation of the appointment. I know you'll be jetlagged and exhausted, but getting that paper in Tokyo will save you money and nenkyuu time because the embassy is closed on Japanese and American holidays. You can get the child payment without the document, but if you are a single parent, you are eligible for a much larger payment. It varies from city to city I believe, however just to give you an idea…in my town, every family receives 10,000 yen per child, but as a single parent I receive 41,100 yen additional. I don’t know how much it would increase if you had more than one child. It is paid every 4 months directly into your bank account. I lost about 4 months of the increased payment, because I didn’t have the document, so if you get the notarized letter in Tokyo, it will be paid to you much faster. You can download the form from the embassy website and you’ll have to include your name, address in Japan, you’re a US citizen, and a message that you are the sole supporter of your child, nobody else is living with you or supporting you financially, etc. If you are divorced you must include that date. You will have to raise your right hand and swear that all the information is true in front of the notary. They’ll stamp it and you’ll be golden. You also will have to get it translated into Japanese, by someone. Depending on your city it may need or may not need to be an official translation.

ESID (I know, I know)…however, in my case initial startup expenses were a lot. The first few months were really tough, however after I got through them, now I’m able to save almost $1000 a month (again…ESID, you may be able to save more or less), so if you can just make it through the first few months you’ll be alright. I also had to pay an astronomical amount of key money and a pet deposit – so the first few months for me were incredibly tight, you may be lucky and not have to pay key money (most JETs don’t). Also just getting used to only getting paid once a month was an adjustment as well.

I don’t think anyone can truly prepare you for how exhausted you’ll be for the first few months – every person, every child will react differently to the new situation. My advice is to just relax and try not to do too much in the first few months. It took us a good 6-7 months to really be comfortable and settle in completely. I highly recommend you plan to spend at least 2 years in Japan. As the end of my first year draws close, I really feel like we can finally start exploring Japan a lot more and language-wise, my son has really just started speaking Japanese fluently. Another year and he will be completely fluent. – I need to study!! -- ;)

I had grand plans of studying Japanese, doing my graphic design work, sketching, working on my portfolio, etc…after work --- one year later and it still hasn’t happened. Partially because my computer needs updating and I need to buy new programs, –but that doesn’t have anything to do with sketching or studying Japanese -- but mostly because I’ve just been too tired to work or study after C is in bed. Although I’m finally at a point where I can start working on my stuff again, and I’ve started taking classes on Coursera.

Housework in Japan is a never ending battle and there is a learning curve. I will add some helpful recipes for combating mold in the shower, getting stains out of the electric kettle and so on….things I’ve learned over the course of my year here (or you can just do an online search). You’ll need a good vacuum cleaner because the amount of dust bunnies that collect is amazing – they really do multiply like bunnies. I have to vacuum at least every other day. Oh, I’ve also included a recipe for an amazing cake baked in the rice cooker…A bit embarrassing, but I’ve eaten a lot of cake in my year here… warm chocolate cake and coffee are my motivation and reward for staying up and getting stuff done after C has gone to sleep! ;)

Rice freezes really well! Don’t waste rice, like I did at first because I didn’t know any better. It’s hard to make just one serving of rice, so if you make a lot and freeze some in individual portions while it’s still slightly warm (you need the moisture), you can pop it in the microwave in the mornings and it is just like it was fresh from the cooker. Good way to save time for bentos in the morning (plus you don’t have to clean the rice cooker as often either!) Or for breakfast you can eat rice with some milk and cinnamon sugar on top and it’s kind of like a hot cereal. Also, when you make dinner, set aside some for bentos, it's pretty easy to make miniature versions of dinner foods that you can freeze later for quick bentos.

If I think of more, I will add to this post, but the notarized letter was the biggest thing I wanted to share for you guys who are incoming this year. Best of luck to you! I've really enjoyed my first year here, and I'm looking forward to my second! Let's rock this year! ;)

Planning the future - always trying to stay one step ahead....

First thing to understand about me is I am a planner. I have plans for vacations I want to take with C in high school already. I started considering moving back to Japan when C was born. I really started planning the details six months before I applied to the JET Program, and more than a year and a half before we moved here. Now with a year and a half left, it’s time for me to start planning our return to America. Two years in Japan is what I always planned. It’s the perfect amount of time for us I think. Career, money, travel and learning Japanese-wise, both positive and negative, it all boils down to 2 years. I also don’t plan on returning to Texas when I move back, so I have to set up a whole new life in a completely different city.

So here is what I’ve started looking into for our return. I don’t have an answer for most of these – honestly I have more questions than answers at this point – but just food for thought (and my own organizational sanity)…

Timing – if we leave Japan at the end of July/early August and school starts in the states in early September, how to get him registered for school from half a world away, find a place to live, get a car, a job and insurance, and get all of our stuff from storage in Texas to Seattle. How to travel and enjoy the last few weeks in Japan and still make it back in time to set up a life, adjust to reverse culture shock, Jet-lag and settling in, before the start of the school year.

School registration starts in February in Seattle…

How to logistically get myself to Seattle for a visit to see if it’s really where I want to live permanently before we leave Japan. Pretty sure it is, but I’ve never actually been there, so I want to visit first. My idea is this Christmas holiday, fly from Japan to Texas, drop off C in Texas with my parents, fly to Seattle, spend a few days there and then fly back home to Texas. Spend Christmas with family and then C and I will fly back to Japan. Not exactly a relaxing vacation for me, but I’m not seeing a whole lot of other options. I could break it up into 2 separate trips but that would be so expensive it’s not worth it.

Oh – and what to do with the cat for 2 weeks while we’re visiting home.

How do I fit in everything I want to see and need to do in a few days in Seattle?

How do I register C for school from Japan? There is a school in Seattle that offers a half day Japanese Immersion program that I would love for C to be able to get into, however I won’t be a resident until a few weeks before school starts. Will this program be full by then? And it says that 2nd graders will need to test into the program so they can keep up with the work that is taught in Japanese. When is that test given? Plus it’s in one of the most expensive parts of the city, so basically I’m looking at studio apartments to get us residency status before I can think about looking for a more spacious place.

There is talk about the school potentially becoming an open enrollment school (anyone living anywhere in Seattle can attend, not just the local neighborhood kids) however that opens up a whole other set of issues I don’t want to worry about until I have to. If it does become open enrollment, there is the potential for a lottery system if too may people apply to get in. On the other hand, we could live in a cheaper area of seattle….

How quickly can I find a job so I can fill out a rental agreement and afford said studio apartment? Or better yet, is it possible to have a job set up when we arrive in Seattle?

How am I going to make a studio apartment work with a three bedroom house’s worth of stuff, a kid and a cat??!! Even if it’s just short term….

How to I physically move stuff from Texas to Seattle? How much will it cost to hire someone to help me get all my stuff to Seattle and move it into my apartment?

Is it possible to not need a car (at least for the short term) in Seattle? Depending on where my job is in relation to where we live, maybe bike and bus are options.

After school care – where/what is available and can I reserve a spot for C before establishing residency? How much is it and can I afford it?

Insurance!!! Good gracious! Insurance is a huge question – even if it is temporary or private insurance and with the new rules for Obama-care how does all that stuff work? (please keep political comments to yourself)

Culture shock – how do I do all of this and help C through reverse culture shock while probably dealing with it myself. At least when we moved to Japan I had a week before C arrived to set up everything, get utilities, a phone, etc established….In Seattle, I won’t have that time to get things established before C arrives.

And…how will he react? He reverted to a screaming 2 year old for a little while when we moved to Japan because of the stress of the move and new school. Now he’s back to his usual sweet self, but how will his behavior be affected upon our return? I think we’re both going to be exhausted the first few months back.

Money – how much is this all going to cost and can we travel and enjoy Japan while still saving enough to make it through (with some emergency savings) another international move?

Seattle is much more expensive than Texas. What is the cost of living and how do I know my potential salary is fair and how much do I need to be asking for based on my experience and work history?

How will my 2 years in Japan negatively affect my chances of getting a good job in my field quickly? Also, with few contacts in Seattle, I don’t have a network of co-workers to ask around for job openings like I do in Texas…


Positive things about moving to Seattle are:    
I have a friend in Seattle who can show me around and works in the same field, so they may be able to help me find a job
I am quite certain it’s ‘where I belong’
I love the rain!
It’s a big city for design and advertising, so I’m hoping finding a job won’t take too long. Even if it’s just freelance for a little while, I can deal with that.
Farmer’s Market!!!!
Coffee!!!
Larger Japanese community and immersion school for C


It’s quite daunting when I try to think about it. Even more so than moving to Japan where housing was already set up for me, someone was here making sure the utilities were scheduled to be turned on the day I moved in, I had a job and insurance lined up, and C was already enrolled in daycare.  Though there were a lot of stressful unknowns moving to Japan, there are just as many if not more unknowns about moving back. At least I will know how to go about getting things done, and I can speak the language. Plus my friends and family will still be far away, but much closer than now if I need to ask for help or advice.
...and this is why I plan things so far in advance!

A Child's Stress

So I've underestimated how tiring it is to live in a foreign country with a child, work, ride a bike,  especially during winter. Therefore I have many posts I've wanted to write, but have not gotten around to doing so. I'm going to start posting a back-log of blog posts starting now. This post was originally written in October...

I'm excited to hear from C's hoikuen that he's already started saying a few words in Japanese. Mostly, asking if he can have more food, water, if he can use the toilet, and will you play with me. I'm so happy that he is picking up words quickly, and though he was shy at first about using Japanese, now he seems to understand that if he wants something he needs to ask for it in Japanese, so he's picked up those phrases quickly. I'm also surprised at how quickly he's adapted to eating the Japanese lunch provided by the daycare. He loves miso soup! and with his chopsticks (still learning to use them) he couldn't wait to show me how he can eat rice...

However, there are days when C says he hates it here and he wants to go back to the US. I think I underestimated just how difficult an adjustment it would be for him. Everyone says how adaptable kids are, and it's true, but there is no way of knowing exactly how each child will react to the stress of a completely new environment. C has been screaming like he did when he was 2, sometimes he just gets so frustrated and he can't find the words he wants so he just yells. Last night was just one of those nights, we stayed up a bit later (my first mistake) to have a pizza and movie and snuggle-up on the sofa...but as soon as the movie was over he melted down when I told him it was time to brush his teeth. It was completely out of the blue, but ended up with him screaming, him saying I hated him and him sobbing so hard he was gulping air. Poor kiddo....after he calmed down, I rocked him and asked him more about school, and that's when he told me he got a time out for wrestling with another kid. Normally that wouldn't phase him, but with everything else, it just made him completely upset and he didn't know how to express it. He never did brush his teeth (oops), but fell asleep shortly after I rocked him. I don't want to make anyone scared to bring their child overseas, but just wanted to prepare you for the difficulties you and your child may face.

That being said - today was a great day! C told me how excited he was for Undokai (sports day) this saturday, and how much he's been practicing. He said they've been making posters and signs and stuff, and showed me part of the flag dance. Today was a good day and he's excited to go to school tomorrow...just goes to show you, though kids are adaptable, they get stressed and don't know how to handle it. I suspect we'll have good and bad days for awhile longer.

Finally settled in!

We made it. We finally got everything worked out. It was quite the roller-coaster ride to get here, but despite all of the hurdles we made it. I can't express my gratitude enough for the Facebook groups who helped me through it all. I know we wouldn't be here in Japan without their guidance and support.

Getting moved out, packed up and then flying halfway around the world, setting up a new home and getting over jet-lag have all taken their toll. Not to mention I had to re-adjust to living in Japan and getting my son used to going to Japanese Hoikuen (pre-school/daycare). We still have our good days and our bad days. Somedays we can't wait to get out and explore, somedays we are so tired we just can't wait to get home and eat some cereal and go to bed. It takes a long time to completely settle in, longer so because I have a child to help through the culture shock. We have both been a bit ornery and crabby until now. But I think with the fall weather starting to come around, a nice cool breeze and some time to adjust, we're starting to feel completely settled.

The things I was so worried about: hoikuen, commute and the cat have all worked themselves out.

The hoikuen has turned out to be amazing, C's teacher even speaks a little English, and between her English and my Japanese we manage to communicate just fine. C has made a friend at school, who is also half Japanese. C says he speaks English, but I have yet to hear him or his mother speaking English, I believe they speak Portuguese...but I'm glad C has a friend.

The commute isn't so bad. The school I visit on mondays (40 min bus ride, 20 min walk), turns out that I don't go to that school very often, especially in September, as there are 3 holidays on mondays in Sept. and therefore, no school. Even so, the commute isn't so bad. I drop C off at daycare at 7:30 (right when they open) and I pick him up at 5:45, which is honestly pretty on par with the hours he was at daycare in the US. The other two schools are no problem at all, but I am getting my exercise! I never did buy a car, so I've been biking at least 1 hour each day, two days a week, it's 2 hours - bonus, I've dropped 4 sizes in two months! none of my clothes fit anymore, time to go shopping!

The cat - I've emailed back and forth with the family that is keeping her and she's settled in just fine. The other cat and her are friends now, and we'll be back in 2.5 months to get her. I do miss her, but honestly I don't know how I would have done it if we would have brought her with us at the start. There was plenty to deal with, I'm glad we were able to leave her for a few months and then pick her up after Christmas.

Everything is working out...  ;)

We've also started exploring our town a bit more. Every weekend we take a little bike ride to find a new store and area to explore. Usually I have a destination in mind, but sometimes we just ride and see where it gets us. I definitely want to stay longer than a year, things just take more time when you are a family JET. One year just won't be enough for us to explore and do everything we want to do. We bought a tent and a sleeping bag and we've already been camping once, with many more camping trips to plan in the future!

Don't Give Up!!!

Sorry for the length of time between posts - it's been quite the whirlwind of a month. Has it really only been a month, it feels like three. Finally heard from my BOE, we will be going to Kurashiki City in Okayama Prefecture. I am so excited. However, we have been running hurtles trying to sort out details. There are several JET couples in Okayama, however I am the first JET with a child the prefecture has welcomed, so it's been a learning experience for everyone. The following is only meant to communicate the difficulties I faced and the amount of stress one can possibly expect (of course ESID) to face. Please understand that the BOE, the JET program of Okayama, and the community have bent over backwards to help me solve all of these difficulties. The circumstances were difficult, but all of us worked together to solve them, and for that I am most truly thankful to everyone!

Finding a long term boarding facility for the cat:
I have called about 30 different vets and boarding facilities and either they won't board a cat for that long or I got quotes from $500-1000 per month. I can't afford that - and they all want the entire 5 months payments upfront. I literally sat in my car during lunch for 3 days sobbing on the phone with places asking if they knew anyone, anyone at all who would consider taking a cat in for 5 months. None of my family or friends are able to take her, many wished they could, but cannot for various reasons. I have 5 weeks to find somewhere, otherwise we may not be able to go to Japan.

Hoikuen:
I first got an email from the prefecture saying that they are looking forward to welcoming me and my son to Okayama prefecture, however daycare in Japan is in high demand and they are unable to find a spot for my son. period. They are all full. I translate this as: We cannot go to Japan.
So I took to Facebook and posted a plea to have anyone help me that was already in Okayama. Can I just say that the ex-pat community in Okayama is awesome! I had no less than 4 people helping me find daycare, answering questions, calling the childcare division at city hall and calming me down as I'm panicking because I'm thinking we aren't able to go after all that hard work. A good friend found my son a spot in a daycare and the BOE got him enrolled! One hurtle down. We're going to Japan in 4 weeks!

Travel:
I then find out that the daycare is 30 minutes away by bike. Unfortunately my schools are 15 minutes from the apartment in the complete opposite direction. Making my commute time an hour and 15 minutes by bike to my two main schools. I'm either going to be really fit and strong or need to buy a car (which I was hoping to avoid). Plus one of my visiting schools is a 40 minute bus ride plus a 20 minute uphill walk. So every Monday I would have to drop C off at daycare at 6 am. The daycare doesn't open until 6:30. I translate this as: We cannot go to Japan.
My BOE understood this dilemma and has adjusted my start time at that school so I can drop C off at a more reasonable hour. Perhaps not ideal, but I can work with it. We're going to Japan!

Cat:
I tried to ask in the politest way if it would be possible to bring the cat. I knew from talking with my predecessor that a previous tenant had a dog, so I thought it was reasonable to assume pets were okay. I got an email back saying pets are not allowed. I translate this as: We cannot go to Japan.
So I google Okayama pet apartments, and using google translate manage to find 2 apartments that allow pets, one very near where the current apartment is, and one nearer to the daycare. So I email the links to the BOE to see if I am allowed to move apartments. I then get a email back saying that pets are actually okay in the current apartment, so no need to move. (with a nice apology). We are going to Japan! I just need to find somewhere for the cat to stay for 5 months until we can return at christmas to get her.

Lucky Break!
I didn't just find one place for the cat, I found 2! A very nice family has offered to keep her for 5 months, and I found a pet sitter that was willing to board her for a very reasonable fee. I haven't completely decided who she will stay with, but we have had a home visit with both, and Elouise gets along very well with the other animals at both homes.  Two more weeks and we're going to Japan!

So, yes, it has been very stressful. I think I lost about 5 lbs in a week because I couldn't eat or sleep. However, I didn't give up - and it has paid off! I even went on an interview for a new job here in Dallas thinking that we weren't going. But here we are! My utmost gratitude to the people who have helped me overcome all of these hurtles and answered question and helped to calm me down. I don't know that I could have done all of it without their help. I can't wait to meet these people and thank them in person.

Placement

Finally after weeks of stressing and waiting, we have our placement. Okayama-ken! Okayama was my first choice. It's a larger city than Takamatsu (where I lived in 2006), but still very close so I can visit my friends in Takamatsu.

Okayama is on the southern end of Honshu, Japan's main island. It is approx. halfway between Hiroshima and Kobe, and relatively close to Tottori. I have always wanted to take C to Tottori to see the sand dunes and the ocean. I don't know exactly where in Okayama we will be living yet, but I am encouraged to find many JET families go to Okayama. I am even more excited now that I know there will be other families and we are able to research all the fun things to do and see in Okayama.

I have already started packing, getting the house ready for rent, and switching over my address to my parents house.  I also purchased my son's and mothers plane tickets. They are flying over a week after I will get to Okayama, which gives me a chance to get used to the neighborhood, apply for my gaijin card, open a bank account, get a cell phone, and find a grocery store. Plus unpack and start making it feel like home. And while I've never been apart from my son for more than one night, I think this week apart is the best timing, though I will miss him terribly. Plus my mom will stay with us for 2 weeks so that C can adapt to the time zone change and get settled into school a bit before she leaves.

We are still waiting to hear from our BOE (Board of Education) exactly where in Okayama-ken we will be living, but knowing the city is a huge relief. Now I can shift my attention to finishing up all the details on my birthday party/going away party. It is an Alice in Wonderland Tea Party. My un-30th birthday if you will (I am turning 31) ;). Very exciting! Should be a blast, I can't wait to post photos. Party planning is one of my favorite things to do. Busy, busy....